Has anyone ever regretted their abortion? 

For some background… 24 (F) in a 8-9 month relationship with 27 (M). This relationship has been beautiful! We’ve moved into my great grandmother’s house and constantly excited to start a renovation project. I work a crappy job with decent pay, but our schedules are opposite… so we really have one day being off & together. We have a puppy together named Harley. We hike, we take spontaneous trips, we ride bikes, we smoke, we laugh…etc… This is a good thing for me & the first time I’ve really had it. Past relationships were very abusive & full on infidelity.
Well..about a week ago, I woke up with very sore breasts which is rare for me because they’re LITTLE (lol). I had a couple tests in the cabinet, took one, and it lit up positive immediately. I didn’t scream, I didn’t jump up for joy, I didn’t immediately tell anyone…I felt despair. Misery? Anger? I have just gotten my life to a point where I DON’T wake up every day dreading to be alive, how can I now reroute everything to care for a child? I still feel infantile myself sometimes. I’m not where I want to be in life. I wanted multiple degrees, to travel the world, to be financially loose…so I could give my child what I didn’t have. I didn’t have a bad childhood. My mom worked & went to college while my brother & I were younger. I know she was bettering herself for the sake of us, but I missed out on my mother. I slept, bathed, cried, played, with my grandmother because mom was busy. Both my mom & grandma (who raised me) were teen mothers & even if it’s never spoken…I know they miss the life they never got to live before children. I don’t want that to be me!!
The select people I’ve told have been ecstatic. My partner is & when I brought up the idea of abortion, he was crushed. My grandma & aunt are, and they tell me that’s why they’re here. To help when it becomes too much. I’ve confided in my best friend & she told me no matter what I chose, she’d do anything and everything she can. I’ve known her since we were kids & feel like she can genuinely feel my fear like it’s her own & she understands.
One part of me says: just have the kid. It could be life changing. You have older grandparents, this could be your only chance for them to grow up with a living set. It could bring you so much happiness. It could bring meaning to your life… But then everyone says happiness is a personal attribute. There’s no definitive guarantee this baby would make me happy or a better person, that’s a step I still take on my own.
I’ve been severely depressed this past week trying to grasp every ounce of rationality & emotional integrity I have. I’ve always wanted children, but WHY did this have to happen NOW? I’m not ready for all these monumental life changes to happen. I’m not ready to add a child into my relationship. I just feel like I’m stuck in a place..but my mind is already made up…? Just trying to come to terms with that I guess. If any of you have went through with an abortion, I guess my questions is… Did you really regret it? Or did it end up being the right choice? I know no one can make the decision for me, but I need other women at this time.

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